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I don’t even know.

It all started during the beginning of sophomore year. The setting is Chemistry Honors class. We all take our seats as the teacher starts reciting the syllabus. Wait… What’s that? A smart girl on my right, diagonally in front of me? And she’s blonde? And she’s really pretty? And doesn’t have a problem talking to me? Unbelievable. She laughed at some jokes I made… That’s a good start. Skip to next marking period. We still talk and laugh together smiling, but I only ever see her in chemistry class. I looked forward to that class for half of the entire school year. Valentine’s Day is now coming up. I suggested to my best friend that I might ask her to be my Valentine. My friend said she’d get the bear, mug, bag, and candy for me when she got her Valentine’s Day gift for her boyfriend. She gave me the supplies while I made an amazing card on Photoshop for a combined total of 6 hours, perfecting the paragraph, text alignment, and images. I printed it out, measured it, and cut it out using an X-Acto knife. I folded it, taped it to the card, got some of the colored gift paper stuff that goes in a gift bag, and put the mug in the middle. The candy was in the mug, with a teddy bear about 8 inches tall. Total price with labor = My heart. I put all of my heart into that.

So here comes Valentine’s Day. Yes, that day. The day when all of the people on the Internet complain they have no one to love. I was determined to get that girl! Algebra II Honors was the first class of the day… And boy did I suffer. Alright. I walk down the staircase and into the hallway across from my chemistry all way. I walk down to the classroom, walk behind the teachers desk, and put my backpack on my desk, then take the gift out of the generic WalMart bag I was carrying it in. I put the gift I put countless hours into on her seat. I sit down and get settled. Before class starts she walks in. Looks at the gift, smiles, and I believe puts it by the side of her desk. Huh? Her friend comes over (I have a feeling she caused the atom bomb between us) and asks if she knows who it’s from. She knows its from me. Then, this kid comes in our class carrying in roses. Did I mention I also got one of those for her? There were two in the class, one for my dream girl and one for some other girl from her friend. Everybody asked who it’s from (I didn’t put my name on it), then she points at me and says “him,” still looking at the red rose in her hand. Everybody was all “awe that’s so cute!!!!” I blushed a little and let the day’s lesson commence. She didn’t say anything much to me all through class, then at the end, I asked he what her answer was, and she said yes! With a big grin! I said… I still can’t believe I said this… “Ah.” what???? Why did I say that???? I told her my number was on the back and to call me sometime. She smiled and said she would. We walk out and I feel like the happiest guy on Earth. My friends were happy. All is well. That night, no missed calls, no new messages. I messaged her on Facebook asking her if she liked the present earlier, and she finally responded saying “yea, thanks”. Just like that. Ummm…. I said “Good 🙂 call me sometime alright? :)”. No response. We have block scheduling so I had to wait until the day after to talk to her again… We didn’t talk much. I tried to act like nothing happened and go back to the usual talk, but she wasn’t as talkative as usual. I knew she was interested. Some of her friends said she liked me.

Another day goes by. Nothing. After gym, I saw her in the hallway. I stopped her and asked her if she was ok. She said yes so I asked for her number, and she gave it to me. I said I’ll call her later. So I did. Around 8:30. No answer. I wanted to ask her to the movies. She did text that night and we were talking. I asked her if she wanted to know a secret, and she said sure. I said I liked her, then she said “Oh :)”. She later on went to bed. When we talked, all she said was “oh” “yea” and “good”. That’s it mostly. I asked her if she was ok and said yea. So I let it go on for awhile. We stopped talking in class, well mostly her ignoring me. I invited her to box seats at a hockey game. She said she couldn’t. I invited her to lunch and to movies. She was busy.

Later on in the summer, way after school was over, I texted her asking her if we could go on a walk and talk about what had happened. No response. No fucking response. It pissed me off, plus it killed me at the same time. Why? I don’t know. What did I do wrong? I don’t know. Did I mention she moved to the other side of the class behind her friend and always talked to her? Did I mention I went up to her at the end of class in front of her best friend and asked still asked her to go to the movies? She still said no. And other friends of her were saying she really liked me. So what happened? I’ll never know.

What to think?

Well, it started with this girl that I have been friends with for awhile. I’m confused as hell. She says she really wants to be with me and all, but everytime we set something up, she bails or makes some excuse. So I called her out on it and she said she would come to my house today and apologize. Did that happen? No. Of course not. She likes listening to those new school songs that are mostly about sex because of the “beat.” Plus, she hates reading. So she’s not really smart. My friends haven’t really said anything positive about her. She’s a cheerleader, but she stays true in her relationships and isn’t really a slut. I don’t know. She always bails on me, but idk if I should still date her. If she’s going to bail on me, that usually means she only likes my personality and doesn’t want to see me in person.

UPDATE: She was just nervous. I never did get with her. Talks are still underway and the possibility is there.

It’s goin good… until…

So I go to My little second cousins’ birthday party/ies and I meet this really nice girl… Her name was [yea right, like I’m gonna give you her name so you can invade her privacy]. I walk by her going into the party, but she’s carrying a basketball around… So I ask her if there’s a basketball court, and she says, “Yea, there’s one over there.”. So I ask her if she wants to play some with me and she says sure (yea, she has no one else at the party to talk with…). We went over to the Basketball Court to play basketball. We talk and I give her some compliments, like any nice guy would do. We get to know each other really well. So she asks if I have ever been to the lake, and she points to it, 50 yards away. I say “Nope, but do you want to go over there?” So we go over there, after giving her my water bottle because she forgot one, and sit on a big rock, right by the lake. It was a beautiful view. We talk and get to know each other a little bit and I made two moves which made her smile. One, I held her hand. Two, I put my arm around her. She was perfectly fine with it! Yay! I couldn’t believe I was actually flirting with a girl and doing it right. So our parents are calling us, and we walk back over to the party and do the pictures and boring crap like that, then we go sit on a couch upstairs. We talk for a little bit and got each other’s phone numbers. I put my arm around her and she laid her head on my shoulder. There’s kids with us so we didn’t dare do anything. But… then… the kids play hide and seek… I think: Wow! Exactly what I wanted to happen! Is this the right moment?” So I go in for the kill and there’s our first kiss… We just laid there and we kissed off and on when parents and kids weren’t around… PARTY’S OVER!!!! Oh man I was about to cry… having to see her leave…

Good morning! I’m still at the party host’s house because we slept over.  I check facebook because I added her as a friend the previous night.  And… In the messages… I see the responses like “I miss you too!(:” and all of that stuff… and then I check the time stamps.  Fifteen minutes later after that… There’s a message I regret reading. “don’t get mad or anything, but we kinda just met so do u wunna just be like friends?? It’s just u live in new jersey and thts like a long time away.. so maybe we should just be friends..” I was heartbroken… I knew there was no way of fighting it… I just did some friendly counter-points anyway… Hoping it would make her change her mind… But it didn’t.  I did try damn hard to get her back.  I really do want her back.